| (no subject) |
[Aug. 23rd, 2007|03:56 pm] |
tanzania in 3 days and counting.
this has to be the most neurotically prepared trip ever, i need to learn to chill. finally i've calmed down and realised that everything's sorted, my flights are confirmed, i'm not going to die, everythign will fit in by backpack, i won't have drugs planted in my bag, i won't get malaria and everything's going to be fun.
yes.
i think my body is weary from having about every vaccination known to man. but i'm buzzing about the house, talking nonstop, annoying everyone, and i actually can't wait. :) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 1st, 2007|12:06 am] |
hmmm, home again is always weird.
nice though cause i've been seeing plays with katie, getting soem culture as my mother would say, and bizarrely getting really into cyberpunk novels (the official party line is that i hate scifi) and listening to a lot of manics and getting my feet wet in the rain. drinking so much tea, i like it when it's really really hot, makes me feel clean and lovely.
i always feel really ill for a few days after i come back from uni. i really do want to do better next year, eat more healthily and stop fucking myself up. i want to get a first but mostly i want to be ok when i come out the other side.
can't believe that in a few weeks i'll be in tanzania. i'm gradually phasing out coffee in preparation as my morning cup of caffetiere goodness may not be readily available methinks (tried going cold turkey but the headaches were alarming.) vaccinations start on monday- everyting from cholera to hepatitis B, wow. i want to resist being lame and starting some crappy blog for all my friends to read when i'm there, but what other options are there- those awful round robin emails? just ignoring everyone? actually... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 5th, 2007|01:50 pm] |
Finished for the year! Month long bender ensues! I've learned to love yet be wary of this feeling- after a year of always having at the back of your mind the little niggling voice 'I really should be working', suddenly the ground is pulled from beneath your feet so to speak. I literally have nothing I need to be doing, apart from my job but I can pretty much plough through that on a hangover, comedown, sleep deprivation, whatever. I still get paid, heh. I've been out and drunk the last two nights, I think I'm approaching that wonderful Freshers Week phenomenum of becoming immune to hangovers. Out again tonight, then goodbye drinks for a friend on Weds. Athough today I am going to see Noam Chomsky talk (well, via video conference) which is sufficiently intellectual/worthy to stop me feeling like a total waster.
It's sunny outside and there's not a thing I would change right now. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 29th, 2007|11:02 am] |
bloody university and life and distractions and exams!
these exams are stressing me out, i think i'm actually OVER prepared but that doesn't actually help me as i've got into a state of neurotic panic, going over the same points over and over again, then forgetting them straight away. going to another bloody campus rave on sat was obviously not a good idea. i love yet hate those things. calling an ambulance for a guy in a very scary looking k-hole, sitting in mud for 2 hours (didn't realise it was mud til it got light-oops), that horrible busride home in the morning where all the normal people look at you with disgust cause it's 9am and you're covered in mud, twitchy and inexplicably drinking gin. i dunno, i miss the days when i'd get dressed up, go to a nice club, have a few drinks and be home by 3. the days when a night out was a NIGHT out, not a night, a day and another night. hmm. i do complain a lot, but i guess i wouldn't do it if i didn't want to.
revision. after friday all my exams will be over! i think i'll just sleep for a really long time. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 4th, 2007|04:18 pm] |
...so apparently i'm going to tanzania in august?!?!
i always tell myself i should be more impulsive, and now I've spent a total of one day deciding to spend half my summer break in africa, helping at a school project, when the furthest i've travelled before i portugal! i am shitting myself. i'm really excited though, 2 of my friends are going and it's a great oppurtunity as it's not through one of those nasty exploitative unethical agencies that charge you 2 zillion pounds to go and steal local peoples' jobs in developing countries. my uni has some link with this school and it's more like a volunteer exchange programme. all i have to pay is my flights (plus visa/jabs etc) and £10 for food, and they put you up for free at the school.
I've always longed to travel but it's always been South America and Asia I'm interested in, never even considered Africa before, but it sounds like too good an oppurtunity to miss. There's all the safari stuff in tanzania whihc will be awesome, but i also expect it will be pretty eye opening as it's apparently one of the poorest countries in the world. I hate to sound like an annoying psuedo-caring gap year student (spent so much of my uni life slagging them off!) but I've lived an extremely sheltered life so far so i think it would be good to see some new, less priveleged places. Not like i'll be saving the world or anything, i'm not that naive. But it's for a non profit volunteer based org that's building a school in a rural community. I'm both extremely excited and scared shitless, but I'm glad i booked those tickets! I was umming and ahhing about it for ages til my mum said, just go and book it, you'll never make up your mind otherwise and you'll regret missing the chance. I love my mum. |
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| home alone! |
[Dec. 12th, 2006|12:32 am] |
After spending every one of my previous uni holidays moaning that I have nothing to do, I now have so much to do that it's physically crushing me- last night I actually got so stressed out I couldn't breathe for some time (at least I think that's why- some kind of excruciating muscle pain whenever I breathed in, although it could have been because I was sick a lot the day before due to some BAD tapas...) But anyway, now I can inhale again, I'm back on track. All my housmates and pretty much everyone I'm close to at uni have gone home, but I'm staying on till Thursday to use the library and carry on my job at the cafe. I have 3 essays to write over Christmas- one 3,500 word and two 1,700!!! That's a lot of Christmas writing. Plus I'm supposed to read Ulysses for week1 of the Spring term, but let's face it that's not going to happen, there are physically not enough hours in the day. I'll read what I can, there seems like a lot I can just skip without affecting the plot too much...(bad English student! bad!)
So today, my second terrifying day alone in Brighton, was spent at the library. Managed to write 1,500 words (very rough so far) about Joyce, Woolf and the public/private divide, and do a whole lot more reading for it as well. I've impressed myself with the amount of critical reading I've done for this essay- usually I just write what I think and then frantically search for a quote to back it up. this time I'm actually engaging with criticism and theory and using that as a basis to form my own opinions. Which, while perhaps a little soulless, is what a degree is all about; I can't spend three years just going 'I like this part, I don't like this part!' I feel like I'm starting to understand academic writing at last, how to tread the line between the theoretical and the polemic. Dear God I sound pretentious; this is what happens when you spend your Christmas holidays in the library. But hey, I'm doing this degree because I love it, and surely the fact that I'm getting ridiculously excited about my essay means it's mone well spent.
This has pretty much been my life's dream, to study English, and now I'm here I'm so glad it's going well. Philosophy on the other hand...well let's not mention that.
Tonight has been spent watching bloody awful movies such as Mona Lisa Smile (which I actually payed to rent- I wanted something mind-numbing) and eating melted mars bars. Tomorrow work and a bit of Christmas shopping, Wednesday 3 hour shift then back to London, which I'm strangely looking forward to. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 9th, 2005|08:21 pm] |
I am saying goodbye to this journal. It's silly, self indulgent and pointless, and reminds me off too many bad things and bad people. It doesn't even sound like me. This isn't how I write, or how I see myself, and ugh I just hate it.
I am making a new journal, probably when I leave for London. Maybe sooner. I will post about it soon in case anyone wants to add me.
xx |
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| things to do this summer |
[Jul. 4th, 2005|12:33 pm] |
| [ | feeling |
| | sunny but indoors :( | ] |
Read lots. I have a big pile of books to get through.
Find reading list for Sussex and Reading uni's, make a start on that. Pointless as I'll only get into one.
Grow up.
Get better at sewing: make lots.
Call bank / vodaphone / UCAS / college etc about address.
Write
Draw/ collage
Find some new music
Talk to Naomi but leave out the best bits
Stop the compulsive lying to get attention. This is getting out of control.
Dye my hair
Lip pierced!!
See
stuff. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 1st, 2005|06:12 pm] |
Crafty bits, lots of shoes, H&M top, Golddigga, CDs...
New & reposted.
( Read more... ) |
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| shit hot news. |
[Jun. 15th, 2005|06:16 pm] |
Ages ago I wrote an article for feminist website The F-Word, basically commenting on male and female relationship roles in pop culture. Today I recieved an email from the editior of the site, sayin she's been contacted by someone from a independent documentary production company, who was looking for three young feminists to present a documentary on contemporary feminism. And that the production lady had singled out me and about 6 other contributors to the site.
Dear God. There's no way I'd do it of course, I'm insanely shy and have never had an interest in presenting or anything, plus I have way too much on my plate what with exams, moving house and then uni, but it's extrememly flattering to be asked. In some wasy I wish I had the confidence, because it seems like a wonderful oppurtunity, even if it is only a little low-budget indie thing. I'd feel like I was actually doing something for a cause that matters so much to me, rather than just sitting around moaning.
Very very odd world.
I had my first English exam today, it went ok...need to keep this up in preparation for the shit-hot career in journalism that awaits me (haha right.)
I should write another thingy for the F Word. It's been ages since I wrote something non-college related and non-me-and-my-pain related. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 27th, 2005|10:04 pm] |
I'm sitting here wrapped up in my cosy black and red stripey jumper and I should feel happy but somehow I just don't.
I miss him. He's back in hospital again. I'm so worried but there's nothing I can do. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 26th, 2005|04:24 pm] |
Ahaha my ebay auction just ended. It was for a Quiksilver trucker hat that I bought and didn't suit me, and it just sold on ebay for £1 more than I paid for it. Why would you pay over the retail price, and then more on top for postage, when you canjust GO INTO A SHOP AND BUY IT NEW???
Crazy people.
But I made money, woo!
I have exams soon. Then I'm moving to London. I'm revising so hard it hurts, because I have to otherwise no uni for me. I think this is the most motivated I have ever been, becase it's got to the point where my life's ambition (studying English at uni) is hanging in the balance.
Back to William Blake notes. |
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| books. |
[May. 23rd, 2005|02:26 pm] |
1. Total number of books owned?
Not as many as you (or I) might think. I hate library books with their evil plastic covers but I am poor and can't afford £6.99 every time someone reccommends something to me (which is a lot). I did get a mega-bargain-deal at Waterstones this week though (4 books for £10, cos I had vouchers!). In summary, I have no idea.
2. The last book I bought?
Margaret Atwood-The Handmaid's Tale (read it twice but don't own)
F. Scott Fitzgerald- The Great Gatsby
Helen Cross- My Summer of Love
Nick Hornby - 31 Songs
3. The last book I read?
31 Songs, currently reading My Summer of Love.
4. Five books that mean a lot to me:
Sylvia Plath - The Bell Jar
A cliche I know, but this was the first 'proper' book I ever really loved, when I was 14. The first time I became aware of the quality of writing as opposed to storytelling.
Kate Atkinson - Behind the Scenes at the Museum
So beautiful, and so few people have heard of it, it's a crime.
Jeanette Winterson - Written on the Body
My favourite book. Ever. It's so poetic and startling and unlike anything I'd ever read before in terms of structure and language.
Germaine Greer - The Whole Woman
The first feminist literature I ever read, I must've been 13/14- really got me thinking. I love Germaine despite what anyone else says.
Tenessee Williams - A Streetcar Named Desire
Not really a book I know, but I love it even though I had to study it to death last year. Characterisation=wow. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 17th, 2005|09:23 pm] |
I haven't updated for ages.
I guess I am on something of a hiatus from this journal. I'll probably come crawling back sometime soon. I get like this every few months. Sorry to any of my penpals I owe a letter to- I'm snowed under with inferential stats right now. When I signed up to do Psychology I did not know maths was involved!! I am not happy about this discovery.
Blah. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 7th, 2005|05:47 pm] |
This weekend has been rather boring. I visited Reading Uni on Saturday, an appalingly organised open day, but I liked the campus a lot. All green and tree-y (new word) with lakeage (i.e. a lake. I don't know why I speak like this.)
On Sunday Steve came round in the eve and stayed the night, which was really nice cause it feels like we haven't spent any proper time together for ages, even though it was only last weekend. Things are a lot better now, for now at least.
It's my birthday next Sunday! So exciting. My mum is taking me somewhere but I don't know where, probably for lunch or something but I keep having crazy ideas that we're going on holiday or something, which is totally not gonna happen cause we are broke as fuck right now. Lunch it is then.
I'm tired. |
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| Holy guacamoley, Batman! |
[Feb. 28th, 2005|09:01 pm] |
I got an offer from Sussex! My first choice! This I did not expect. I have to get two As and B, with one A in English. Dunno if I can manage that...but makes me very happy anyway.
Woo! *Dances around room*
I totally they'd reject me like everywhere bloody else, cause my personal statement sucked major ass and it's a really popular place for English.
Yes, I am hot stuff these days.
So, my offers in total are
Leicester - BBB
Reading - ABB
Sussex - AAB
I guess Sussex will be my first choice and Reading my insurance. I know that's being rather optimistic, but I really don't wanna go to Leicester, I'd rather take a year out and apply again next year if I don't get the grades. And besides it'll give me some insentive to get off my ass and work. |
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| disaster strikes! |
[Feb. 28th, 2005|07:34 pm] |
| [ | listening to |
| | bright eyes -something vague | ] |
I accidentally dyed my hair pink! Well pink-ish. I bought a kit that was supposed to be for red streaks, but it came out odd, same as Steve's did (By the way he no longer has the pink hair, so we don't match. He dyed it black and it looks yummy.)
So now I have a bunch o' pink streaks in my hair, which I did not anticipate or want. I'm quite pleased with the technique though, I did a section at each side at the front, and a 'veil' bit further back. I'll post pics soon, maybe, but I look kinda silly. I did consider running out to get red dye and dyeing over it, but knowing my luck it would just make it worse.
As my mum would say, stop messing with yourself Rachel. That one always makes me laugh. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 23rd, 2005|07:47 pm] |
| [ | feeling |
| | excited, also annoyed. | ] |
Oooh Phil just told me that Le Tigre are in Bristol on 20th March. (I'm sorry but it has to be said that a guy who listens to Le Tigre and is currently studying feminist literature is the coolest, in a totally platonic way.)
I wanna go!
I bet none of my friend will go with me. Helen might, possibly, I don't know if she's ever heard any of their music but she's always up for new stuff, musically speaking. Except I think she's already seeing another band at that venue the night after, so she probably won't want to go with me actually.
Arrrgggghhhhh. What will I do? |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 10th, 2005|06:07 pm] |
Party tonight.
Whoop de whoop.
I kind of accidentally almost broke up with Steve last night. That may sound bizarre, but it was one of those times when you're pissed off and upset and you just say the first thing you think of, which is always a mistake. He hung up on me, which was nice, so I called him back and hysterically took back everything I said and tried to smoothe it over. God, why do I do this? I don't want to break up with him, that's the last thing I want. I'm just so damn reactionary, and it fucks up everything good that comes my way. I always think i can get away with saying this kinda shit, but I can't, not any more, and I have to learn that. So yeah. I just called him now but he's coming back from Cardiff so he couldn't really talk. He said to call him in a hour, and I hope so badly that we can have a normal happy conversation which will renew my faith in us.
This distance thing sucks, and it's not even much of a distance. I just find it hard to stay close to people when I'm not seeing them all the time :s
Tonight I am going to drink cocktails, what fun, and socialise and have a good time.
This entry is like a sandwich- happy, sad, happy. A sad sandwich, if you will. Mmm. |
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crushtheblossom's journal